Eraserhead: Dare to make Non-Sense.

Image from www.rogerebert.com

I have always considered myself a critic for the average joe. I don’t want to be the cinephile, touting film theory and other jargon over the heads of others. I want to fairly represent the normal person who goes to a movie theater to enjoy a film, get some popcorn, yada yada yada. So I will not, for this movie, be offering a vast interpretation of the strange symbolism I saw. Instead, I offer my repeated reaction to everything I saw:

(Image from adisin-beneathyourskin.blogspot.com.)

 

Does anyone know where the plot went...hello?

My best attempt at a summary is thus: Henry Spencer is a poor dork living in a bad apartment in the middle of a desolate industrial wasteland, who likes to make googly-eyes at his sexy neighbor and contemplate his navel (actually his radiator… which I’m told represents suicide, but I wouldn’t know). After watching him spit out a sperm from his mouth, courtesy of a man pulling levers (inside his brain, I think) we find that Henry’s girlfriend, Mary, is pregnant with a muppet reject  deformed, premature baby. They rush into a marriage, Mary leaves from lack of sleep, Henry steps up to be a dad… and then everything gets weird. Fast.

    In all seriousness, this film is presented pretty nicely. The surreal imagery we’re presented flows pretty smoothly from scene to scene, leaving the viewer to wonder if what they just saw was actuality or hallucinatory symbolism. The symbols themselves are certainly not boring, definitely thought-provoking, and shows that David Lynch is a very creative man. In short, I couldn’t pan this movie on execution even if I had wanted to.

    But, as creative and revolutionary as the execution is… the film is difficult to sit through.  The music-less atmosphere is thick, suffocating and uncomfortable, made only worse by a plethora of painful characters. Henry’s a social pariah, Mary is spineless, and her mother is so crazy she just ups and latches onto Henry’s neck in the middle of a dinner scene. And the moments when we see the strange hit the fan are borderline indecipherable, and usually fairly gross. It’s a lot to take in and I suspect the average person will be lost within five minutes.

    My biggest issue with this movie is that it is sloooow. The pacing goes at an uncomfortable, teeth-gnashing, painfully slow rate; what’s more, I think it’s on purpose. Sometimes these scenes meander on, way past when whatever point was made, and it leaves me clutching at my chair and begging Lynch to call ‘cut!’. The scene which gives the movie it’s title is such an example, as it goes on and on to make a point that could have been made in less than two minutes. Somehow, despite the actual storyline jumping around quite quickly, it feels like the film is dragging their feet. But, again, this was likely on purpose given how the film is classified as ‘horror’. 

    So my final verdict is mixed. If you are savvy to the way of films, adore the flicks that force you to think, and crave a movie that will leave you pondering for several days afterwards, then you have to get Eraserhead under your belt. It’s chock full of strange and provocative images that are begging for your personal interpretation, and gloating in the fact that you’re left clueless. As for those who aren’t looking for any of that, and went to the cinema to casually relax, than keep this one at an arm’s length. Much like Donnie Darko, this is not a film watched at the sleepover with popcorn and chocolate milkshakes.

    In fact I wouldn’t recommend eating at all...I ate popcorn...and regret my decision. So, in lieu of this, we’re going to aim for something that looks a bit more silly-awesome.

Next Film: SGT. Kabukiman, NYPD.

Carrie: What Happens When They Laugh

It’s Halloween night; I’m all dressed in my best Gothic attire, I have my favorite Stephen King movie all set to go, and a nest of uneaten candy calling my name. The day is great and I feel happy, a luxury poor Carrie White would never be able to claim.
Carrie White is a lost child. She’s teased and tormented by her peers at school, and abused by her religious zealot of a mother. Her life doesn’t look to improve, until, one day, she discovers that she’s been gifted with telepathic powers. Not only that, they come when a handsome classmate finally asks her to the prom. She attempts to take her life back into her own hands…and it all goes horribly wrong. The night that this town would never forget…black prom.
Carrie is an interesting piece. I discovered it when I was an unhappy 16 year old girl, wishing for someone who ‘understood’ what it felt like to be bullied. What I found when I picked that book up was one of the most raw picture of teenage life I had ever seen. King it so right that this book was banned from several different school libraries. It was unfiltered, truthful, unapologetic in it’s portrayal of just how nasty teenagers can really be.
This version of the movie keeps that, mostly in how nasty 70’s’ teenagers can be. Nancy Allen’s Chris Hargensen is just so hateful, spiteful and nasty that I can’t look at her without getting angry; Sissy Spacek as the titular character is fragile and delicate…and then so unnerving and horrifying later on; and John Travolta plays Billy Nolan like a more vicious version of Danny from Grease. They’re all fantastic, though a chunk of them didn’t go off to do anything else too special (Sans Travolta).
This is my favorite version of the movie because everything looks the part. The normal, everyday suburbia is clean, bright and cheery; Carrie’s house, by contrast, looks as old-fashioned and suffocating as the mother herself. It’s all so quaint and suburban, making it all the more interesting when it’s shaken up. It even managed to include an awful little prop from the book: a statue of Jesus, crucified, with some of the freakiest looking eyes you ever saw. It was a major point from the text, despite how little we see it, and I can’t ever forget it after seeing it in this film…that awful statue…

He’s always watching.

That being said, this is also one of the first movie’s I’ve seen that isn’t tacked down by very many useless scenes. There’s one I would have cut, mainly when Tommy goes to find his Tux with his two annoying friends, but otherwise everything else we see keeps the story going at an even pace. If it seems like I’m overselling this, it’s honestly because there’s not much wrong with it. Blunt, to the point, and unforgiving; just like it’s source material.

 I can’t recommend this film enough. It’s a dark, twisted film that really probes the uncomfortable places of being a kid, and the dark subconscious of those suffering from some pretty intense bullying. The newer versions can’t measure up, and I don’t see this one going away anytime soon.

Halloween: THe Boogyman comes home.

Image from http://backwoodshorror.com

Beware the bogy man…
    The little town of Haddonfield is in shock when 6 year-old Michael Myers murders his older sister, Judith, with a kitchen knife. 15 years later, Halloween Night, the amoral  Myers has escaped from his Asylum and returned home to commit more atrocities. His path crosses with that of  Lynda, an amoral-blond-bimbo (Dead-Meat #1), Annie, an amoral-jerk (Dead meat #2 2), and Laurie, the responsible girl-scout who turns a blind-eye to their poor choices (Jamie-Lee Curtis). It’s a suffocating thriller as you watch Myers slowly stalk idiotic teenagers whose dumb decisions come back to bite them, and the relentless prowling of an evil man who just. Won’t. Die!
    And then the sequels came and ruined everything, but that’s neither here nor there.
    So I’m naturally biased here, as this was the first slasher-movie I ever saw, but the film has enough of a fan-following that I need not try to force myself to be negative. It is an entertaining and scary horror film that has several bragging points for it’s low budget: Mikey himself is a terrifying force with little more than a painted Captain Kirk Mask; For a film done near completely at night, it did an amazing job making sure everything was adequately visible, and the film uses that darkness well towards its jump scares. With some great piano tracks and camera angles, it’s clear that John Carpenter knew exactly what he was doing.
    That said...perfection, it is not. We are, after all, talking about one of the core slasher films, and it did churn out the biggest slasher movie stereotypes. Sorry for spoilers, but Lynda and Annie, the two amoral teens I mentioned, are killed, and only responsible, ‘pure’ Laurie gets out alive.  Mikey also has a tendency to move impossibly fast when the plot demands, and how he actually learned to drive in that asylum is still a little questionable:
    There’s also a question of how someone who looks like this gets unnoticed for so long, but most of these are nitpicks.
    Lastly, there’s one more elephant in the room that needs addressing. There have been several critics who claim the film promotes several terrible things, misogyny and sadism being just a few. They’re valid points, given the awful things that happen to the girls, but I don’t think they’re nearly as terrible as some would believe. After seeing the absolute torture-fest that was Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, I can say confidently that Halloween isn’t in support of any of that. Annie and Lynda didn’t die because they were sexually promiscuous, they died because they were caught in an unfortunate situation. Furthermore, their deaths were not overly violent or drawn out, and unless you find suffocation and stab wounds titillating, you’re not gonna be too turned on when they’re finally axed.
So, my final thought is thus: This is a horror movie classic, and an awesome piece of October nostalgia. It’s the type of film that demands watching with a group of friends over a bowl of popcorn, lights down low, and sound up high. It’s spooky, unnerving, well acted, and very well directed. Just do yourself a favor and bypass the sequels...they’re not worth anybody’s time, even casually.
Since my next post will be on Halloween, how about we tackle my favorite horror movie, which just so happens to be classified as a cult film?

Next Film: Carrie

The Stuff: The Stuff of Badly Written Nightmares.

Image from comicartfans.com

This would be a hell of a lot scarier if the directors had given a damn.

...Okay, seriously, what the hell?

    Two unmanned, unimportant construction workers discover a weird bubbling substance in the middle of winter. They get the incredibly stupid brilliant idea to taste it and soon it’s sold by container to millions under the name ‘The Stuff’ (height of creativity, that one.) Ice Cream Companies world wide send in a badly-acted mole to get the formula, only for him to discover that The Stuff is an evil, mind controlling alien bent on taking over the world. Bad special effects ensue, badly written characters are killed in stupid fashions, and I’m left laughing at just how pitiful this film is.

    First of all, let’s just be clear; the idea isn’t entirely stupid, but it is incredibly lame. The idea of killer ice-cream is so kitchy that it needs clever writing and good storytelling if it is ever going to get off the ground. Such was the case with Killer Klowns from Outer Space which made good use of colorful visuals, insanely comedic writing, and good actors whose charm outweighed their stereotypes.

    That charm and fantastic writing was nowhere to be seen here. Ignoring the premise, the visuals were some of the ugliest I’ve ever seen (second only to Nuke’em High), and the writing was some of the worst I’ve come across. The Stuff looked utterly disgusting, even when it was presented in colorful containers, with method-of-murder being the only interesting thing it ever did. The story-telling techniques were non-existent with terrible pacing, poorly written characters, and some of the most inane movie-logic I’ve ever seen; seriously, if you saw some strange white substance bubbling up out of the ground, would your first instinct be to eat it, or call the CDC?

    Such poor presentation is only hindered by the actors.  The child actor was surprisingly okay, but the adults in this film were just comedically bad.  Mo’s faux southern accent, punctuated by one too many ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ triggered my gag-reflex more than once;  The dad comes across more abusive than authoritative, and Nicole couldn’t be more plain and boring if she tried. The corny acting on all sides just breaks whatever spell you’re trying to put forward, and leaves me feeling detached rather than entertained.

    My final thought on the stuff is that we are at the site of a tragedy.  Remembering the acid-cream pies from Killer Klowns, I wish the directors of the stuff had tried to have a little more fun with their concept instead of attempting to play it straight. With this in mind, I must dissuade those looking for a fun horror movie to watch this October. The Stuff is insultingly poor in production and presentation, in dire need of some pruning shears, and leaves on the most confusing ending I’ve seen in awhile. If the creators didn’t feel it was worth their time to make it the best it could be, it’s not worth your time to sit through it.

To prove my point, our next film is a little classic film that proves that quality can be achieved on a shoestring budget.

Next Film: Halloween.

The Man Who Fell to Earth: Eyes Wide Shut

   

Image from Blogspot.com

You see this? Do you feel uncomfortable? You should, they were having sex ten seconds ago.

 I’m a day late, but I needed a moment to really collect my thoughts on this one. It was an experience that warranted more than a minute’s worth of meditation.

    Thomas Jerome Newton is a humanoid alien, come to earth to save his planet from a terrible drought. He quickly amasses a giant amount of money to fund the project, mystifying and entrancing the people who comes into contact with. But the vulnerable alien soon finds himself caught up in the web of trouble, addicted to Television, alcohol, and lost in a world of values and edifices that will do their best to drag him down. It’s a meditative piece about our world, caught up in it’s surrealist imagery and creative camera angles. If true art is truly incomprehensible, this is certainly the latter...I’m not sure about the former.

    The story itself is not my source of agitation. The idea is based off a novel by Walter Tevis, and actually as an interesting piece of science fiction. It’s not the first time we’ve postulated how our society would utterly wreck a being from another planet (won’t be the last) and it could be an interesting character study. The idea stands on it’s own just fine, and I’m actually considering going to find the book.

    What doesn’t work is the execution. The story, quite frankly, drags its feet for hours on end, while presenting an incomprehensible series of surreal images that were probably meant to be deep in some fashion. I was either bored, a movie quality to be downright sinful in cinema, or confused most of the time as the story attempted to unfold in front of me.

    When the film wasn’t boring, or just unintelligible, it was beset with awkward nudity. I have now seen all the naked David Bowie that I probably ever will, and found myself having the exact opposite response I expected. While I don’t expect all nudity to be portrayed as erotic, I certainly don’t expect it to be seen as so clumsy, awkward, and uncomfortable. It felt voyeuristic, likely the intention, but it made things incredibly uncomfortable. Besides, no one wants the naked coital couple to suddenly turn and look at the camera: the shame will never leave you.

    It’s all a shame, really, because the actors involved are quite good. David Bowie, as always, is stunning in his ability to portray incredibly complex characters as he did with Tommy. He’s so fragile, and yet mysterious and unnerving in his childish ways. Rip Torn as Bryce is an interesting study in both a mid-life crisis and a conflict of interesting. But all the good acting in the world can’t make up for an utterly sluggish pace, mixed-message metaphors, and a style that just leaves the audience far, far behind.

    In short, I found it mildly pretentious, incredibly awkward, and beyond confusing. I imagine someone who’s more knowledgeable in surrealist expression and ‘true art’ would likely know it better than me, but I gave up. That said, I can still recommend the movie to a select crowd of people. If you like out of your head experiences, deep philosophical musings, and have a taste for the bizzare, go for it at least once. Those looking for a fun, casual experience...try something else. So, overall, not for everybody, but not an abomination of cinema.

   

Next Film: The Stuff

Nightmare Before Christmas: Warning, I gush.

  

Image from Pintrest  

Boys and Girls of every age, come follow me to something strange. Come with us and you will see, this film both of Christmas, and Halloween…

This is Halloween, and yet it’s tragedy, poor Jack feels lost as the night draws closed. Searching for answers, the skeleton wonders stumbling upon the strangest wood you ever saw. Through one door, what’s in store, when Christmas becomes Halloween....

In non-rhythmetic turns, Jack Skellington is the Pumpkin King, most popular fright in all of Halloween Town, and very bored. Years and years of the same spooks have driven the skeleton to a deep depression, searching for something to cure this aching emptiness. After wandering aimless in the woods from grief, he stumbles upon a door that leads him to the most joyous of places: Christmas town. Overcome with the abundant joy and cheer of such a place, Jack decides that this (whatever ‘this’ is) is the cure for his sorrows. He stages a pleasant takeover of Christmas that quickly spirals out of control. What’s worse, Halloween staging Christmas, or Sandy Claws in the clutches of the ever terrifying Boogie-Man?

I love the concept just on principle; it’s fun, clever and not too complicated so the kiddies can enjoy it too. Jack’s exploration of Christmas is almost innocent in it’s scientific curiosity, and his humor about taking over it  is so good-natured it’s impossible not to be rooting for him...even if you know it won’t end well. It’s the fact that our hearts are with him that carries the story through to the end, and his classy attitude that keeps him in our good favor. Because, let’s face it, if Jack had been a crass nobody that we hated than we would have been horrified to see him take over the most wonderful time of the year.

In fact, Burton’s trademark of sympathetic characters continues with Jack’s love interest, Sally (one-sided, oh the shame). Sally, the restless, love-sick ragdoll is so sweet and kind, and her wish that Jack would take notice of her feelings is just heart-breaking (at least it was to 16 year old me, your mileage may vary).  Furthermore, the fact that Sally clearly cares about Jack’s wellbeing (sending him food when he’s locked in his house) makes her warnings to him come across less like a mindless nag and more like a carrying wive. All in all, two great characters who balance each other well, and surrounded by some great side-characters too.

That said, there is one issue I have; Oogie-Boogie, namely it’s difficult to decide how to handle him.

On the one hand, he’s a fantastic villain for the setting. Acting as the foil-boogie man to Jack’s more fun and traditional variety, he stands as a great contrast to our main protagonist. His song was fun, and lord only knows what he did to Santa during our time away from him. In his own right, he’s scary, and could very well be a threat to Jack’s Christmas endeavor.

But, on the other hand, it’s difficult to place him in the overall plot of things. While Boogie foiling Jack’s Christmas would have been entertaining, it also could have risked being forced. The actual events that took place fit so well and so smoothly into the plot that I am loath to break it up with some forced “mwahaha” just for the sake of having a villain. I may be miffed that he’s only here at the end of the film, and yet I’m unsure where to put him otherwise.

But I don’t like to nit-pick too much, so we’ll move on. The scenery itself is lovely, as the claymation animators had a hell of a hay-day on both Halloween and Christmas Town. The former is dark, highly textured, and seeped in spooky undertones while the latter is bright, colorful, and smattered with warm colors. One has to appreciate how smooth the motions in this film are, given just how difficult claymation actually is. It’s fluid and fun, you’ll be immersed as soon as the music starts.

And oh the music; Danny Elfman out-did himself.  There’s a variety in the music we’re given, matched perfectly with the specific situation. For Boogie we get a dark, atmospheric Jazz; for Jack’s discovery of Christmas Town, we get a high energy, bright, happy tune to match his curiosity, and many more. I could go on, but I’d be gushing way more than I already am. I think perhaps it’s just better for you to take a listen:

Fluid, fun and even romantic (despite the little interaction between Sally and Jack) I can’t recommend this movie enough; though I suspect several of the internet population have already seen it. Applicable to either the fall or winter holiday, curl up, sing along, and let the touchy-feely vibe get you all warm and fuzzy inside. Who knows, maybe you’ll join the cult that parrots out the songs and find themselves developing crushes on a Skeleton.

Join us, won’t you, in our town of Halloween…

Next Film: The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)

Class of Nuke'em High: Ughhh...

 

Picture from johnrieber.com

Strap in, kiddies.

Our movie takes place at Troma High, New Jersey (named after the developing company...ugh) which is right next to, surprise surprise, a nuclear power plant. Being in such direct vicinity of radiation and radioactive waste has caused the normal reactions that B-Movie radioactive goo would cause (as opposed to actual radioactive material) including melting faces, complete 180 personality changes, and toxic sludge leaking in the basement. It gets worse when a group of former honor students who call themselves the Cretons start selling weed that was grown on the lawn of the plant. Hallucinations, toxic waste and a giant monster await the viewer in what is the most tasteless, disgusting, and downright cheap film I have ever seen. To put it bluntly, as B-movies go, it was just stupid.

The story is just non-existent. We’re not here to see a story about the troubles of living next to radioactive waste; we’re here to see our lead shove his fist down the bad-guy’s throat while high on Atomic Weed. We don’t care that the plant is being crooked with the media and hiding information; we care that our main villain just beat up a defenseless woman after they stole her purse.  This movie isn’t here to present a narrative, it’s here to shock and disgust you with as many ‘wtf’ moments as it can cram into an hour and thirty minutes. I hated every second of it and found myself painfully indifferent to who would live and would die in this movie.

Though my true indifference came from the fact that I hated everyone in this movie.  Our main teenage protagonists are either boring, gullible or, in the case of Harold, so sexually abusive that I he’s unworthy of his junk-set. Our villains are, well, villainous, but in a way that’s just too over the top for this kind of movie. I’d have believed that group of 80’s punks were selling weed and sold some grass that was radioactive poison; I refuse to believe it when said group is so destructive, so violent and so obviously breaking the dress-code and haven’t been expelled.

Because this guy would totally be allowed to keep coming to school:

 

I mean, who wouldn't trust that face?

Spike is just psychotic and would have been sent to jail ages ago; Gonzo, pictured above, would be carted off to the loony bin easily, and Muffy, who's constantly getting up in guys junk, would have been kicked out and pregnant twice over.  It’s like they took the most unlikable cliches about a gang and exaggerated them to become bigger and dumber than they used to be.

    Furthermore, and this is the death-knell for any B-movie, it’s just not funny. I may have laughed at one or two moments, but otherwise I couldn’t have been more bored as the movie played. The dialogue is stilted, at best, killing whatever attempts at humor this movie may have had. Beyond that, any comedy this movie could have salvaged was instantly dead the minute the Cretons invade the school and began destroying, shooting, and causing general mayhem. Guns in schools are not, nor will they ever be funny; I don’t even think it was funny back then.

With music that sounds like a STOMP reject, camera that is forever shaking and special effects that make a Punch and Judy show look high tech, I cannot recommend this film in good conscious. Mayhaps if the trash-scene is your thing, but it fails even at that. It’s boring, gross. pointless, and just painfully bad. If you want a funny b-movie, go watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space. If you want a teenage power fantasy, go watch Rock and Roll High School (you’ll get better music while you’re at it).

    Man, I need to bounce back from this thing. I wanted to go more obscure, but not anymore. I think I will set myself back to rights by looking at yet another one of my favorite films that just happens to be a cult classic.

 Next Film: Nightmare Before Christmas