The Man Who Fell to Earth: Eyes Wide Shut

   

Image from Blogspot.com

You see this? Do you feel uncomfortable? You should, they were having sex ten seconds ago.

 I’m a day late, but I needed a moment to really collect my thoughts on this one. It was an experience that warranted more than a minute’s worth of meditation.

    Thomas Jerome Newton is a humanoid alien, come to earth to save his planet from a terrible drought. He quickly amasses a giant amount of money to fund the project, mystifying and entrancing the people who comes into contact with. But the vulnerable alien soon finds himself caught up in the web of trouble, addicted to Television, alcohol, and lost in a world of values and edifices that will do their best to drag him down. It’s a meditative piece about our world, caught up in it’s surrealist imagery and creative camera angles. If true art is truly incomprehensible, this is certainly the latter...I’m not sure about the former.

    The story itself is not my source of agitation. The idea is based off a novel by Walter Tevis, and actually as an interesting piece of science fiction. It’s not the first time we’ve postulated how our society would utterly wreck a being from another planet (won’t be the last) and it could be an interesting character study. The idea stands on it’s own just fine, and I’m actually considering going to find the book.

    What doesn’t work is the execution. The story, quite frankly, drags its feet for hours on end, while presenting an incomprehensible series of surreal images that were probably meant to be deep in some fashion. I was either bored, a movie quality to be downright sinful in cinema, or confused most of the time as the story attempted to unfold in front of me.

    When the film wasn’t boring, or just unintelligible, it was beset with awkward nudity. I have now seen all the naked David Bowie that I probably ever will, and found myself having the exact opposite response I expected. While I don’t expect all nudity to be portrayed as erotic, I certainly don’t expect it to be seen as so clumsy, awkward, and uncomfortable. It felt voyeuristic, likely the intention, but it made things incredibly uncomfortable. Besides, no one wants the naked coital couple to suddenly turn and look at the camera: the shame will never leave you.

    It’s all a shame, really, because the actors involved are quite good. David Bowie, as always, is stunning in his ability to portray incredibly complex characters as he did with Tommy. He’s so fragile, and yet mysterious and unnerving in his childish ways. Rip Torn as Bryce is an interesting study in both a mid-life crisis and a conflict of interesting. But all the good acting in the world can’t make up for an utterly sluggish pace, mixed-message metaphors, and a style that just leaves the audience far, far behind.

    In short, I found it mildly pretentious, incredibly awkward, and beyond confusing. I imagine someone who’s more knowledgeable in surrealist expression and ‘true art’ would likely know it better than me, but I gave up. That said, I can still recommend the movie to a select crowd of people. If you like out of your head experiences, deep philosophical musings, and have a taste for the bizzare, go for it at least once. Those looking for a fun, casual experience...try something else. So, overall, not for everybody, but not an abomination of cinema.

   

Next Film: The Stuff

Nightmare Before Christmas: Warning, I gush.

  

Image from Pintrest  

Boys and Girls of every age, come follow me to something strange. Come with us and you will see, this film both of Christmas, and Halloween…

This is Halloween, and yet it’s tragedy, poor Jack feels lost as the night draws closed. Searching for answers, the skeleton wonders stumbling upon the strangest wood you ever saw. Through one door, what’s in store, when Christmas becomes Halloween....

In non-rhythmetic turns, Jack Skellington is the Pumpkin King, most popular fright in all of Halloween Town, and very bored. Years and years of the same spooks have driven the skeleton to a deep depression, searching for something to cure this aching emptiness. After wandering aimless in the woods from grief, he stumbles upon a door that leads him to the most joyous of places: Christmas town. Overcome with the abundant joy and cheer of such a place, Jack decides that this (whatever ‘this’ is) is the cure for his sorrows. He stages a pleasant takeover of Christmas that quickly spirals out of control. What’s worse, Halloween staging Christmas, or Sandy Claws in the clutches of the ever terrifying Boogie-Man?

I love the concept just on principle; it’s fun, clever and not too complicated so the kiddies can enjoy it too. Jack’s exploration of Christmas is almost innocent in it’s scientific curiosity, and his humor about taking over it  is so good-natured it’s impossible not to be rooting for him...even if you know it won’t end well. It’s the fact that our hearts are with him that carries the story through to the end, and his classy attitude that keeps him in our good favor. Because, let’s face it, if Jack had been a crass nobody that we hated than we would have been horrified to see him take over the most wonderful time of the year.

In fact, Burton’s trademark of sympathetic characters continues with Jack’s love interest, Sally (one-sided, oh the shame). Sally, the restless, love-sick ragdoll is so sweet and kind, and her wish that Jack would take notice of her feelings is just heart-breaking (at least it was to 16 year old me, your mileage may vary).  Furthermore, the fact that Sally clearly cares about Jack’s wellbeing (sending him food when he’s locked in his house) makes her warnings to him come across less like a mindless nag and more like a carrying wive. All in all, two great characters who balance each other well, and surrounded by some great side-characters too.

That said, there is one issue I have; Oogie-Boogie, namely it’s difficult to decide how to handle him.

On the one hand, he’s a fantastic villain for the setting. Acting as the foil-boogie man to Jack’s more fun and traditional variety, he stands as a great contrast to our main protagonist. His song was fun, and lord only knows what he did to Santa during our time away from him. In his own right, he’s scary, and could very well be a threat to Jack’s Christmas endeavor.

But, on the other hand, it’s difficult to place him in the overall plot of things. While Boogie foiling Jack’s Christmas would have been entertaining, it also could have risked being forced. The actual events that took place fit so well and so smoothly into the plot that I am loath to break it up with some forced “mwahaha” just for the sake of having a villain. I may be miffed that he’s only here at the end of the film, and yet I’m unsure where to put him otherwise.

But I don’t like to nit-pick too much, so we’ll move on. The scenery itself is lovely, as the claymation animators had a hell of a hay-day on both Halloween and Christmas Town. The former is dark, highly textured, and seeped in spooky undertones while the latter is bright, colorful, and smattered with warm colors. One has to appreciate how smooth the motions in this film are, given just how difficult claymation actually is. It’s fluid and fun, you’ll be immersed as soon as the music starts.

And oh the music; Danny Elfman out-did himself.  There’s a variety in the music we’re given, matched perfectly with the specific situation. For Boogie we get a dark, atmospheric Jazz; for Jack’s discovery of Christmas Town, we get a high energy, bright, happy tune to match his curiosity, and many more. I could go on, but I’d be gushing way more than I already am. I think perhaps it’s just better for you to take a listen:

Fluid, fun and even romantic (despite the little interaction between Sally and Jack) I can’t recommend this movie enough; though I suspect several of the internet population have already seen it. Applicable to either the fall or winter holiday, curl up, sing along, and let the touchy-feely vibe get you all warm and fuzzy inside. Who knows, maybe you’ll join the cult that parrots out the songs and find themselves developing crushes on a Skeleton.

Join us, won’t you, in our town of Halloween…

Next Film: The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)

Class of Nuke'em High: Ughhh...

 

Picture from johnrieber.com

Strap in, kiddies.

Our movie takes place at Troma High, New Jersey (named after the developing company...ugh) which is right next to, surprise surprise, a nuclear power plant. Being in such direct vicinity of radiation and radioactive waste has caused the normal reactions that B-Movie radioactive goo would cause (as opposed to actual radioactive material) including melting faces, complete 180 personality changes, and toxic sludge leaking in the basement. It gets worse when a group of former honor students who call themselves the Cretons start selling weed that was grown on the lawn of the plant. Hallucinations, toxic waste and a giant monster await the viewer in what is the most tasteless, disgusting, and downright cheap film I have ever seen. To put it bluntly, as B-movies go, it was just stupid.

The story is just non-existent. We’re not here to see a story about the troubles of living next to radioactive waste; we’re here to see our lead shove his fist down the bad-guy’s throat while high on Atomic Weed. We don’t care that the plant is being crooked with the media and hiding information; we care that our main villain just beat up a defenseless woman after they stole her purse.  This movie isn’t here to present a narrative, it’s here to shock and disgust you with as many ‘wtf’ moments as it can cram into an hour and thirty minutes. I hated every second of it and found myself painfully indifferent to who would live and would die in this movie.

Though my true indifference came from the fact that I hated everyone in this movie.  Our main teenage protagonists are either boring, gullible or, in the case of Harold, so sexually abusive that I he’s unworthy of his junk-set. Our villains are, well, villainous, but in a way that’s just too over the top for this kind of movie. I’d have believed that group of 80’s punks were selling weed and sold some grass that was radioactive poison; I refuse to believe it when said group is so destructive, so violent and so obviously breaking the dress-code and haven’t been expelled.

Because this guy would totally be allowed to keep coming to school:

 

I mean, who wouldn't trust that face?

Spike is just psychotic and would have been sent to jail ages ago; Gonzo, pictured above, would be carted off to the loony bin easily, and Muffy, who's constantly getting up in guys junk, would have been kicked out and pregnant twice over.  It’s like they took the most unlikable cliches about a gang and exaggerated them to become bigger and dumber than they used to be.

    Furthermore, and this is the death-knell for any B-movie, it’s just not funny. I may have laughed at one or two moments, but otherwise I couldn’t have been more bored as the movie played. The dialogue is stilted, at best, killing whatever attempts at humor this movie may have had. Beyond that, any comedy this movie could have salvaged was instantly dead the minute the Cretons invade the school and began destroying, shooting, and causing general mayhem. Guns in schools are not, nor will they ever be funny; I don’t even think it was funny back then.

With music that sounds like a STOMP reject, camera that is forever shaking and special effects that make a Punch and Judy show look high tech, I cannot recommend this film in good conscious. Mayhaps if the trash-scene is your thing, but it fails even at that. It’s boring, gross. pointless, and just painfully bad. If you want a funny b-movie, go watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space. If you want a teenage power fantasy, go watch Rock and Roll High School (you’ll get better music while you’re at it).

    Man, I need to bounce back from this thing. I wanted to go more obscure, but not anymore. I think I will set myself back to rights by looking at yet another one of my favorite films that just happens to be a cult classic.

 Next Film: Nightmare Before Christmas

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: In a world of Pure Nostolgia

 

Photo from funny-pictures.picphotos.net

As a warning, this one was done straight with little revision...I'll edit it at another time, when I have more time, but enjoy :)

Come with me, and you’ll be, in a world of pure imagination….and five brands of crack.

    Willy Wonka, the greatest candy-maker in all the world (as the book and movie would have you think) has reopened his doors after ages of keeping them locked, but only to the five lucky children who find his golden tickets, hidden in Wonka candy-bars. Kind and humble Charlie Bucket, poor as dirt, isn’t getting his hopes up, but still wishes he could go. Than, lucky day, the boy finds the ticket and gets to go on a tour of Wonka’s crazy-candy factory along with four other bratty children. It’s a cautionary tale from the twisted mind of Roald Dahl in which a little boy learn a valuable lesson about being a good little boy.

    And for those of you wondering why I call Roald Dahl twisted, go read The Landlady.

    As stories go, you can’t go wrong here. What child doesn’t wish to find some fabulous secret? However, a cheery premise in bright colors conceals something much darker, though not as sinister as a friend of my mother would have you think. This is a story meant to not only to scare but to scare small children into behaving for their parents. The fact that kids who routinely misbehave end up at horrible fates (but still PG, as everybody is very much alive and nothing gory is shown) and it’s quickly followed by that oh so famous catchy tune we’re all familiar with.

    Speaking of music though, that’s an interesting thing about this film. It’s been forever since I’ve seen it, and I mean forever, but I can still remember every tune from it. And I don’t mean just the “Oompa-Loompa” repetitions, I mean everything. I remember “The Candy Man”, “Cheer Up Charlie,” and even Veruca’s little brat number towards the middle. Considering just how catchy the famous Oompa-Loompa songs are, that’s an impressive score. Your mileage ma vary on how good it is, but you’ll remember it.

    Getting back to the story, this whole thing would fall apart if we didn’t have sufficiently bratty kids and a convincing Charlie in the lead (I’m looking at you, Tim Burton.) Our cast of characters cover the whole range of just how rotten you can spoil your kids, and each punishment for them is poetic. And charlie is especially well done, as he’s much more realistic than the newer one. He’s kind, humble, and just selfish enough to be a convincing small boy.  It makes the ending all the more satisfying, even if strange.

    A great story is complemented by a great set. Everything’s alive with bright, kitschy colors once we’re inside, and all manner of interesting visuals greet us as we go on (like that famous tunnel scene on the boat (Holy crap, did anyone else scream like a little baby when you first saw that?) The pacing is just right, the acting is good (it’s Gene Wilder, of course it is), and it’s only real sin is that it’s tragically shorter than the actual book. It’s also not too faithful, which is a shame, and leaves out what could have been several interesting scenes. But, standing by itself, this is a great pick-me-up for a bad day.

    So, I would say that you should see this movie but you probably already have. This film isn’t just a cult classic, it’s just a general classic. It’s fun, happy, darkly comedic, and something everyone in the family can love.  While most of the actors didn’t go anywhere, it’s still worth a watch.

Alright, I’ve had enough famous-flicks. Let’s go a little more obscure, and little more crazy.

Next Film: Class of Nuke’em High