Donnie Dark: The Stupid Man Suit.

Best Line in a movie, period.

By the way, this one is rated R: not for the kiddies.

So, summarize Donnie Darko...ho boy.

            It’s the 80s (again) and this high-class, stepford community is coexisting nicely...sans Donald Darko, whose mental instability, intimidating smarts and misanthropic attitude have made him a social pariah. One night, after another fight with his mother, Donnie is called back out to do his sleep walking by a strange voice. It comes from a giant rabbit (rabbit suit, but still,) who tells him the world is going to end in about 28 days. Moments later, a jet-engine crashes into Donnie’s room. He’s saved, but this is only the beginning. As Donnie is forced (I think?) to do the rabbit man’s bidding, and watch his world break apart at the seams. As to how, or why it’s breaking, you’re better off asking someone else. I freely admit that, even after my third watch, I am still not smart enough to fully understand what’s going on.

            It’s liberating to admit, really.

            Confusing as the story is for me, everything else melds together well. The music and overall sound effects help create this feeling of being detached from the ‘perfect world’ we’re thrust into, likely letting us see it from our own heroes perspective. Even more interesting, that music and sound also helps us shift into a mood that’s darker towards the end of the film as everything slowly begins to crack. Overall, combined with the free-form camera angles, everything just feels off, somehow. It clashes with the white-class suburbia, and I ate up every bit of it.

            With our disorienting atmosphere comes out mostly-realistic characters. Most of them are interesting because they take a different approach to the rich-kids. Instead of being high-class cast-outs who listen only to mozart and such, we got teenage boys shooting glass bottles in a junkyard while running my childhood with the smurfs. It’s more natural to play these guys like true teens with access to better toys, but it also backfires by making them some of the most unlikeable people you will ever meet.  I hated Donnie’s friends for being utterly useless, for what they did to Smurfette, but mostly just for being colossal crap-heads.

            However, there lies one exception to all of this: Donnie. I am forever fascinated with Donnie, even if he is a jerk to his mother.  He’s obviously not a bad kid, as he won’t steal or hurt anyone of his own free will, and yet he’s clearly suffering from some severe mental issues in a society that just doesn’t know what to do with him. Add this utterly crazy and confusing series of events to that list of problems and it becomes insanely hard not to feel for the kid. Besides, he’s also insanely smart, and drops some of the most well-timed F-bombs in cinema history. 

For Example:

So, obviously, I really liked Donnie. I liked him so much that I wish he had been the center of attention more often than he actually was. This movie has quite a few subplots with the Jim Cunningham plot, the deal with Donnie’s girlfriend, and a few others. Now none of them are badly written, and they do all merge together in the end, but I just wish they had backed off just a little. I want more of Frank the Bunny’s influence over Donnie, not how much that stick-up-her-butt teacher has a hard-on for Jim Cunningham or how forced the romance between Gretchen and Donnie feels (sorry, I just didn’t feel it).  Maybe we would have gotten a straighter answer if we had spent more time with Frank and Donnie and less with with poor Churita getting picked on for her bad accent.

Ah, but this of course leads to the elephant in the room: the ending. Leaving out spoilers, I have to say that my confusion over what happened didn’t take away from how bloody well filmed the whole thing is. While I’m still scratching my head over the exact details, I was treated to a well filmed slow-pan shot with an absolutely heart-breaking rendition of Mad World playing in the background. It’s dark and tragic, two words that fit with the whole rest of the movie.

So, in short, this is worth a watch, but not casually. If you don’t want to think too much than don’t pop this one in, as you’ll be left behind very fast. However, if you’re willing to keep sharp and know a bit more about the theory of time-travel than I do, than you’re in for a treat. Enjoy the awesome 80s music, black sense of humor, and the sheer anxiety of watching the world come to an end thanks to the world’s most famous’ wtf’ movie made so far.

Now we’ve done aliens, Vampires, pretty men in tights, moon people, and depressed 30-somethings with no lives….

How about something Sweet?

Next Film: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: Witty Wonders of the World

Image from Rhymes With Geek: Top 5 Underrated Robin Williams Movies

            Before I get into my usual style of summary and criticism, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the recent loss of the amazing actor, Robin Williams. I had no idea he was in this movie when I picked it, and it hit me like a truck when I saw he had passed away.  He was an actor and comedian of amazing talents, one that played a huge role in my childhood, and I’ll always remember him as one of the funniest men alive. It was such a horrible tragedy to see his life come to this, but I think it best we remember him not for what happened but for what he was: hilarious, talented, friendly and a true force of nature. Oh captain, my captain, we will miss you.

            This was one of his funnier movies, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. The movie brings to life the extravagant and exaggerated war-stories of Hieronymus Carl Friedrich Baron von Münchhausen (who in addition to having a ridiculously long name was a general in the Russian army against the Ottoman Turks). The story opens in a war-torn, unnamed European city, run by The Right Ordinary Horatio Jackson (He’s as exciting as he sounds, sadly). Suddenly the Turks break with Jackson’s schedule and attack the town, and it’s up to the newly arrived Baron to save them.  He travels from one fantastical place to another to collect his gang of misfits, each equipped with their own fantastical powers, and come back in time to save the city. It is, in one short sentence, Adult-Adventure-Nostalgia on steroids.

            This is High Adventure at the purest level. Sultans, gods, giants and all kinds of other elements all collide together in this fun little mesh-mash. Director Terry Gilliam presents us two separate worlds. One is drab and ‘Right Ordinary’, where wars are run on a schedule and soldiers are executed for being heroes. The other world is colorful and runs on the logic of a child, with long-haired goddesses (Uma Thurman), hilarious Italian moon people (Robin Williams & Valentina Cortese) and so much more. Even more curious, there’s this sad undertone to all this whimsy. The baron himself and his servants are all dying in this world of the logical and science. There isn’t any room to dream, thus, no room for them.

            A big point in this film’s favor is the humor. It’s gets downright raunchy at moments but comes at an angle of infantile cluelessness. It stems from our wonderful cast, who I am sure took some pointers from Monty Python (kinda have to since Eric Idle’s in the mix.) John Neville’s Baron Munchausen has a great way of portraying a hero of the older days: comically exuberant, always ready with a rose for fair-maiden, and sad to see the world leave him in the dust. Our supporting character, Sally Salt (Sarah Polley) is by far the best straight man I’ve seen in awhile.  It’s her desire to see the end of the story that proves that the world still cares for the baron’s kind of story, no matter how drenched in realism we found ourselves.

            Altogether, the skillful acting, amazing scenery, and nonsensical situations create a very wild ride that is worth a watch. Get your friend and grab some popcorn for what will be one of the more fantastical things you’ve seen, but be prepared to sit for awhile. This was along film, as it had several different situations to get through (but it flushed everything out, fancy that.) It was extremely funny, eye-popping, and great for someone looking for a casual watch.

            So, where to now? We covered slightly obscure, massive favorites and even something for the good ole’ UK. But I notice most of my picks have been stuck between the 80s and 90s.  We’re going to try something much more modern this time...and a helluva lot more confusing.

Next Film: Donnie Darko

Killer Klowns From Outer Space: Kost-effective Kure for Klown-a-Phobia

 

They have their own theme song...what are you waiting for?!

This is the second monster movie I’ve watched that took place in California. Is there something going on there that ole’ sunny Cali isn’t telling us?

            Specifically our little story takes place in Crescent Cove, California, where a suspicious shooting star interrupts what would otherwise be a goofy and awkward totally hot makeout between our main characters, Michael and Debbie. Mike and Debbie in typical horror-movie-induced stupidity go to investigate find that their town is now in danger from alien clowns Klowns. The Klowns are here to murder, collect, and snack on innocent civilians, so it’s up to Mike, Debbie, and Debbie’s ex-boyfriend/cop to stop them in what is one glorious horror-comedy.

            In movies like this the story is both non-important and a saving grace. I say non-important because looking for plot holes and logic in a movie about alien clowns would be missing the point.  However, it’s also a saving grace because it just continues to dive deeper and deeper into absurdism as it goes. We get lots of ‘you be dead’ scenes in which the Klowns kill and capture townsfolk in increasingly dark-comedic fashions, and I always give credit to a movie that rewards people who mark smart decisions in a crisis. And it’s somehow insanely fun to watch our main cast of characters scramble about like little ants.

            Ah, but here comes the nit-picking I must do as practice. For while the movie flows seamlessly, it has two points that almost dragged it down. One of those was Chief Officer Mooney, whose blatant negligence towards emergency calls (did it not cross his mind that we could be dealing with serial killers dressed as circus clowns?)  and obvious brutality against the youngsters would have gotten him fired ages ago. But, thankfully, David being the smart and responsible cop in the movie balances that out and just makes Mooney murder-fodder for later on (and it’s especially hilarious, trust me).

            The other thing was, sad to say, Debbie. I had high hopes for blondie when I saw her, as she was smart enough to realize that a circus tent in the middle of nowhere (that happens to look like the skittle version of love-craft on the inside) is likely unsafe, especially when you see it just after you saw something weird in the sky. But her smart decisions were not due to last as she fell into the obligatory role of damsel in distress.  In the movie’s defense, this does add to the overall b-movie feel of everything, but I just felt disappointed. It would have been kick-ass for the girlfriend to be the smart one who takes the lead instead of her boyfriend.

            Overall it won’t ruin the experience, and I say you have to see this movie. This is the crazy-awesome at it’s finest, with some of the best comedic timing I ever seen in a film. It has better acting than a film called Killer Klowns deserves, decent special effects for its time, and stays internally consistent through most of the movie. Ignoring the fancy-critical approach, it’ just a damn funny movie that’s best enjoyed late at night with a buddy and a bowl of popcorn.

            Now then, let’s see. We went from the well known, to box-office, to teen, and to obscure. What next...how about something British?

Next Review: The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

Lost Boys: Live Long, Die Never

-From sodahead

Of course I was going to make a Twilight reference. What kind of Internet nerd would I be if I hadn’t?

            The Lost Boys is a teenage horror film from the 80s. It’s about Michael and Sam Emerson, who move to Santa Carla, California with their mother, Lucy. They move back into Grandpa’s house, but soon discover that his taxidermist tendencies are the least of their problems. Michael gets himself mixed up with a tribe of vampires in an attempt to impress a hot-hippie-chick, and discovers that he’s slowly turning into the same undead murderer his new buddies are. The only way to save himself, his new girlfriend, and their little friend Laddie, is to face off against his new found family; Van Hellsing style.  It’s cheesy, predictable, and wicked fun to watch; loved it from start to finish.

            Our plot is highly unoriginal for it’s time: New kid in town wants to impress pretty girl/ join the cool kids, new kid ends up joining gang, and gang turns out to be bad. It’s saved from feeling like an after-school special thanks to the lack of smart adults, and an incredibly dark, moody atmosphere(and, you know, the vampires.). The bad part is that our pace is incredibly fast. Conversations go at break-neck speed, and relationships aren’t really given the time they need to develop properly. The time it takes for Star and Michael to get to sexy-time breaks the record for the fifty-meter dash.

            Problems aside, the Lost Boys themselves are the saving grace of this entire film They look like Captain Hook on a goth trip, and sport an attitude that an older Peter Pan would have likely been proud of: Party all night, sleep all day, and never grow up.  But what makes them so fascinating is this mafia-like stoicism that underscores everything they do. Joining the family is a big deal, and being part of the gang trumps whatever else you had going on.

 There’s also something refreshing about watching vampires excitedly hunt, stalk, and kill their prey with the same childlike glee of Christmas Day. I have nothing against the romanticized vampire, and in fact quite like it, but it’s also nice to get back to the basics. Add to the fact that the book stores these days are saturated with fanged-pretty-boys that are more likely to be your prom-date than your nightmare. Needless to say, I was rather happy to put these vampires into the ‘bed afraid’ part of my brain.

            Sadly, our villains will forever be much more interesting than our leads. Michael and Sam aren't bad characters, but they fall into a predictable pattern pretty quick. Michael is the good kid who made a big mistake and Sam is the poor, nearly helpless younger brother who’s trying to keep the big secret from Mom. In fact, the mother is the only one who honestly surprised me. She wasn’t treated like the mindless authority figure that I expected her to be and was instead shown as a loving and attentive parent (while still oblivious to the plot.)  It’s my biggest pet peeve when adults act worse than the kids in these teen movies(or in a sitcom) or when attempts to be a parent are shown as ‘mean’ and ‘intrusive’. So this movie gets a big ole’ gold star for treating Lucy as an innocent bystander who actually knows how to be a good mom.

            To draw into my final thought, I ask you to think about where the vampire has gone these past years. To echo my statement about ‘fanged-pretty boys’, I enjoyed this movie because its different from what I’m used to. The idea of “Vampire Bad” has been lost in the flow of popular media and I'm always grateful to get back to the classics. And, as a classic, I highly recommend this movie to anyone looking for a good Vampire movie. It’s cool, dark, fun in it’s nostalgia and awesome in it’s old-school action.

P.S: I hope you like G. Tom Mac’s song “Cry Little Sister”, as you’ll be hearing it a lot. Kisses!

Next Film: Killer Klowns From Outer Space (yes, that’s how they spell it).